I'm Still Standing
One of the people I have come to know over the past couple of years always has this refreshing response to the everyday question of 'How are you?', especially after the excruciatingly tragic loss of a beloved son. More than a year ago, this woman lost one of her three children to suicide. The young man was in his youthful prime, full of energy, promise, and potential.
I didn’t get the chance to meet him, but from what I heard about him, there was no doubt that the future looked incredibly bright and inviting. But amid all that the future had in store for him, the ugly side of life happened. In fact, the ugly side of life often leaves us with scars too deep to cover up, or even overcome.
From a distance, I saw this woman grieve the untimely death of a beloved son. Coupled with her grief was the challenge of running a complex organization with clients who can, at times, be unforgiving and less charitable.
But whenever I saw her and asked how she was doing, she would respond with these words: ‘I’m still standing.’ She never said, 'I am doing great' or 'Doing just fine,' but I’m still standing. It felt that this response of hers echoed the grace and gift of resilience.
Resilience is not about being unbroken, unhurt, unchallenged, with no sad feelings, no difficulties, no discomfort, no sorrows, and no scars.
Resilience grounds us in such a way that when we read these words of St. Paul to the Thessalonians: "Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus” for we are emboldened to embrace all of life in its total and complete fullness.
Resilience leads us to accept that life is not about never being knocked down but about getting up when you are knocked down. Resilience teaches us to get back up. When we stretch its components a little further, resilience can even be about what Friedrich Nietzsche once referred to as amor fati -which translates to ‘A love of one’s fate.’ This means an acceptance of whatever happens to us our fate, part of our life.
Hear his words in Ecce Homo:
My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it it…but love it.
This thought is not only incredibly profound, but it can be cruel. Nietzsche doesn’t want us to differentiate or distinguish one impactful event in our lives from another. Whether joyous or sorrowful, life-giving or tragic - whatever it is, Nietzsche wants us to love it. He exhorts us to, in fact, love the very thing which may have caused us the greatest harm or pain imaginable. How is that even possible?
But long before Nietzsche coined Amor Fati, the Stoics had spent tons of hours on this very aspect of the human story. Epictetus, who himself had experienced disability, wrote this:
Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to; rather, wish that what happens happen the way it happens: then you will be happy.” Again, the question is, how is this even possible? How can we not wish that the things we want to see happen, happen? And then be happy even when they don’t happen the way we want them to happen.
Quite honestly, this is all about our mindset. A mindset that commits itself to total surrender to the will of God. A mindset that is grounded in faith, and simply because of that, believes that God is even in the darkest moments of our lives. And then, counts it all joy even in those dark moments because they can still stand. Are you standing?
Resilience is the point where despite all our personal struggles, we can still say, with confidence, I’m still standing. In other words, I may not like what I may be going through, but I give thanks, nonetheless. For me, this is what makes the act of giving thanks superbly humble, self-emptying, and gratifying.
And so, this Thanksgiving, I give thanks for the life of someone whose attitude towards life has been quite an inspiration. I give thanks for the blessing of knowing this person who reminds me of the gift of resilience - this is someone for whom amor fati is a fulfilling and lived experience.
If I may ask, who and what are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? There’s no doubt that you are thankful for your family. I am thankful for mine; I am thankful for the community here at Christ Church, whom I love dearly and can’t get enough of serving you. I am thankful for the many friends and mentors who shepherd me in unimaginable ways. And I am thankful for the gift of life, for there’s nothing more valuable than this precious gift that we all have.
I am thankful for those who, like John Steinbeck, believe that “To be alive at all is to have scars.” But the scars are not enough because they simply reveal to me the extent to which God has held me, protected me, shielded me, guided me, and surrounded me with a love so pure and undefiled.
What scars do you carry with you? Are they enough to make you feel despondent or to even lose your faith in God? If you were to change your mindset, can you find in those scars the presence of God and the active participation of God in your life? You and I have a lot to be thankful for, not only do we see the scars as evidence of living life, but we see them as evidence that we are still standing, we live a lifestyle of amor fati.
As I wind down the last weeks of what has been a glorious sabbatical break, I know that I cannot thank you all enough for being graceful and understanding during this period. I am thankful to each one of you for being a blessing to me.
Heaven knows that I long to be with you. I want to share in your thanksgivings over the scars that we all have. I long to worship with you, pray with you, laugh with you, cry with you, and share in both our moments of joys and sorrows. And so, until I see you, I hope you can keep standing.
I wish you all a Blessed and Happy Thanksgiving. May this be the best one yet - and while at it, please remember to keep standing.
Manny +